Guilty Pleasure

As I get older it sickens me how much more aware of myself I am. Yet, I am in constant denial and always lying! That being said, I asked myself recently- "what is my guilty pleasure?" And you know what came to mind? NOTHING! Know why? Because in all honesty I don't have just one. Food, in general, is the tip of the iceberg. Break it down? Chocolate (especially with nuts), fried foods (fried chicken, french fries, etc), ice cream, McDonald's, Doritos....need I go on? It's all bad for you. And that brings me to my next point, you can't have a healthy guilty pleasure. Who can feel guilty about being good? The healthiest person I know has a double guilty spot for wine and chicken wings, but she is over 50 and goddamn fabulous. The ambiguity of guilty pleasure drives me absolutely barking mad! It goes right up there with the mixed messages of carpe diem and be responsible that seems to ring out of every Baby Boomers mouth when talking to myself and my fellow Gen Milennials. No wonder we're all a disaster- we don't know which way to go. A common thread in my mind: "Man, I am so hungry, but there is only junk to eat. It's better to eat junk than not eat at all. But if you eat this sack of fries you're going to kick yourself later. If I die today, right now at least I died eating fries! But if I live to see tomorrow I have to look at my thighs. If I don't eat the fries I'll be grouchy because I want it, but think of the long term benefits. Then again, not eating this sack of fries won't make a difference, I am already too far gone. Oh well, eat them now and start over tomorrow."

I usually eat whatever, by myself and hide the evidence. So what am I a foodaholic? If I eat whatever, by myself and hide the evidence- it's like I think it doesn't count. So if a tree falls and no one is around- does it still make a noise? DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today I ate

Sausage Egg McMuffin (I planned to eat at home, but someone decided to run the oven cleaner this morning and almost scorched my retinas), hash brown, small sprite

1 piece of pork loin, lightly buttered elbow noodles

1 snack bag of doritos

1 rice krispies treat

1 piece of steak, corn

1 can sunkistsoda

a ton of water

and 18 hershey's kisses w/ almonds....and counting

Kick the wagon

I hate the wagon. The diet wagon! It's a miserable, covered, piece of crap! Eat this, try this, do this, add this. Promises & hopes of weight loss gone a wry! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. God what I would give to be skinny ( I don't dare say "again" as I do not remember being less than 50 pound minus of what I am now)! Just am average size, to shop in average stores, fit in average seats, not have to be the exception for mass ordered shirts, not to have the nurse have to dig in a drawer for the wider blood pressure cuff. I coud go on and on with the reasons I hate being fat. I wish I could just shrink my apetite, but I dont know how. Isn't there anyway besides surgery?

What I Ate Today

triple, non-fat, venti, caramel machiato

2 oven baked chicken legs, 1.5 cups or so of egg noodles, small can of ginger ale

mcchicken sandwhich, large fry, sprite

2 pieces of pork loin with salsa, too much elbow noodles, small amount of spinach, 1 serving caesar salad.

 

My Twelve Commandments

My Twelve Commandments 1. Be Naitasia. 2. Let it go. 3. Act as I would feel. 4. Do it now. 5. Be polite and be fair. 6. Enjoy the process. 7. Spend out. 8. Identify the problem. 9. Lighten up. 10. Do what ought to be done. 11. No calculation. 12. There is only love.

Back on the wagon

I just came home from the gym. Not as long as I used to go, but long enough for someone like myself who is totally out of shape. That being said...my average speed was 2.6 and I tried to stay at 2.8 for at least 3 minutes (or one lap) at a time, I burned 109 calories (not including the "cool down"), I did 5 full laps. I am proud of myself- now here comes the hardest part...I'm hungry!

Why is this so hard?

I didn't make it to the gym to work out. Big shock there! Not that this is an excuse, but it is a cause. I got my period last night. I can't do anything when I have my period, let alone work out. I am watching what I eat and eating out somewhat less. I've made dinner two nights in a row (tonight is an experiment so we'll see if I eat it) and I brought my lunch today. Tomorrow I'm eating a salad from Emily's as a treat to myself and then I'll make dinner- whatever that is. I just have to force myself to work out. How? Today my psychiatrist told me I was overweight. Ouch!

Back Into The Swing Of Things...

It's been exaclty 7 months since my last entry. Obviously I did not stick to my gameplan, but it's back into the swing of things this week. I cancelled my PT contract because I wasn't using it. So now I am just going to be committed in going to the gym, eating healthy, burning calories, and I'm adding yoga for stress relief. Wish me luck!

I feel good

I went to the gym today for almost two hours. I went with Ebonie so we did rotations for legs and lower body, then we did abs. Then I tried to ride a stationary bike, but the seat was too high so I switched to one of the sit down and ride bikes. Lately, I pushed myself to do 5 minutes on the Precor (a.k.a. Elliptical machine), which was painful & invigorating. Plus I ate my fav low-carb meal. Flank steak and Italian greens with a red wine vinegar sauce. Very tasty! I'm doing much better than I have been doing in the passed weeks. I mean there were days when I was sneaking French fries every moment I could.